IKEA made easy

Nick Stein, 
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IKEA divorce

Type this “IKEA Divorce” into Google and 1,060,000 results are waiting to be explored. The one that

stands out is from the Wall Street Journal – Can your relationship handle a trip to IKEA, this issue is so

mainstream that even 30 Rock had a whole episode devoted to it.

IKEA_Divorce

 

What is the problem?

It is a two pronged problem, the store itself and the assembly afterwards. We have all been there in
both cases at least once in our lives. We all know that there is a secret way through the store in the quickest way possible but you have to be an IKEA pro to know them all. It is like a Cluedo game filled with secret passages and hidden clues to get you to solve the mystery, buying only what you came to buy and nothing more.

The final and unmentioned problem is the two days later special offer on the product that you have just spent a whole day locating, you feel unrewarded for all the effort you have gone through. It is like going to a store for someone that just calls up to get better service. However, back to the stores, they are built to disorientate, confuse, and make you buy things that you weren’t even looking for.

I know that I have not figured it all out as I always come back with another plant/bush for my apartment/jungle.

How to survive

As a young father, I have become somewhat an expert of the layout and have learned to treat myself along the way. Starting with a Hot Dog before entering the craziness and midway through having something else to eat. I have found hunger is the worst enemy of an IKEA shopper. I am also often there so the floor plan and most of short cuts are tattooed into my brain but I find a new one each time and still get my head turned when it comes to plants…don’t ask why. It is the times I have a year or two between a visit and I am back being one of the frustrated many. Wrong turns, picking up items that I don’t need and losing my cool.

It is at that point I want the quickest route to the café or the item that was on my list, avoiding the detours as much as possible, but with the security that as I have sacrificed a good percentage of my life in coming to IKEA that I should get access to the upcoming offers before they are released to the general public. That would make me feel loved.

ikea futurama

 

At home you are on your own

As far as the assembly part is concerned, I don’t have any tips or recommendations that I can give…I just

make sure that a gin & tonic and pizza are waiting for me once the struggle is over.